Birth story of Sammi and Samuel

They definitely deserved to have their story written, in memory of them and for myself. Cant recall if I did so for Sarah (will read back to check later on)

Ever since having Sarah at way too early gestational age (week22 which makes her not viable for resuscitation) I'm quite phobia about this.

A short note: By WHO regulation which Singapore hospitals adopted, week24 is the week where viable for survival.

Thus when the twins held on to week25 and more, I'm definitely elated, but still holding on day by day to reach the next benchmark, week28 where survival rate is increased even more.

But it's not within what we always wanted, isn't it?

Been having bracket hicks contractions for past weeks.. Phobia but it is supposed to be normal for twin pregnancies.

26 oct 2015, morning

However Monday, the contractions took a change. Felt pelvic pressure when tightening occurred plus doesn't seems to go off no matter how much anti-contraction pills I took or water I dunked myself with, or lying down as much as I can. 

Called my Dr nurse for advice (my dr was always on leave).

Sad to know the dr that supposed to standby had went off, and nurse actually advised me to go down the next day for a checkup.

I asked her, "do you think I'm able to wait that long?"

She then told me can consider 24h A&E and the on-call Dr will attend to me.

Decided to head down for a peace of mind. 

However as the cab driver went for Bukit timah exit thus I changed my destination to KKH instead of RH

(Been feeling pain with the contraction every 3-4min while inside the cab)

Again, came to the dreaded delivery suite (due to Sarah's experience)

Got hooked up to monitor their heartbeats and all was good.

However, I had high fever at 38.5!

That's pretty high and they worried there's infection which might have caused the contraction.

Did the horrible V-check and membrane is bugling against the cerclage.

I'm thinking to myself.. Not again!!!

Eben is outside waiting as he can't be in the triage Ward with me. 

After a long while (maybe 30min or so?), I'm pushed to labor Ward to be monitored (not again...)

Given a steroid jab to help mature their lungs.

Super painful jab, burning sensation even after the needle is removed from body.

Effective two jabs are required every 12hours. 

The contraction pain is increasing, on a scale of 4.

Was given oral medication to try stop the contraction, at the same time on drip, antibiotic for my fever.

(Yes, it's still there!)

Did blood test and swap to check if there's any indicator on the infection.

Also a check if there's any leak as they are concerned there's infection in the waterbag. Swap reflect ok, also there don't seems to have any leak.

Blood culture however takes longer to have result back.

Due to the fever and not knowing what infection it is, we are not given options to wait out few weeks to let them more time to grow inside, as they are concerned if there's infection in waterbag, all the more need get them out.

As the pain increased, the doctor decide to do a finger-check, to see if there's any dilation as worried will tear the cerclage and that will be bad.

After a few check over 3-4 hours, dilation still at 1cm, with the membrane and feeling twinA head as well.

TwinA heartbeat is really fast too, at 180 per minute. Quite worrying for her.

TwinB was fine.

Thus no ventolin drip to stop contraction as will definitely cause more stress to twinA.

The doctors discussed with us several options,

 1) natural birth aft cutting the cerclage but twinA will definitely just come out, whereas twinB is breeched so there's a risk for e-csec

2) go for e-csec to get both of them out

3) sacrifice twinA and try keep twinB inside as long as can be

At that moment, option 3 definitely out

Option 2 is preferred as less stressed for both of them.

They decided to change to a stronger antibiotics to bring my fever down.

Finally managed to. 

TwinA heartbeat not sure if due to that, come down to 160+ too.

We have magnesium sulfate drip to help with the twins nerve/brain development as well.

It's a really hot drip, bring heat to every part of the body.

Though the contraction pain getting worse, every 1-2min, pain level on a scale of 8!

Eben again can't bear to see me in such pain but there's nothing he can do.

Frankly at that split second (when I'm having consecutive 3 contractions), I had so wanted to just deliver and not wait..

Finally they decide to give me epidural, and since twinA heartbeat has sort of stabilized.

Epidural indeed a relief (except the horrid shivering)

27 October 2015

But after an hour or two (I can't recall), twinA heartbeat went up again, and this time, show some distress.

Dr then decide, we can't wait and need to bring them out.

That was about 2am plus.

We don't have time to get the 2nd steroid jab in.

They prepared me for e-csec and get wheeled into the OT.

After the cutting and tugging, they got them out. But ... I don't hear any cries and they just don't want to tell me anything.

Got me so worried, lying there, not able to move and thinking how are both of them in the midst of really bad shivering.

Finally done with stitching and wheeled to recovery Ward.

A nurse then tell me twinB weight is good and currently in NICU etc. I asked about twinA... She said Eben will update me.

That's when I sensed something not right.

TwinA had left.

She had no heartbeat the moment she came out.

I.got.nothing.to.say.but.tears.just.keep.coming.down.

My daughter... My girl... She had left us.

Without saying goodbye, no chance to say goodbye.