End of my pregnancy - Birth Story of Sarah Ng

It's a devastating day. A totally unexpected outcome. Shock, and the pain and the crying...

I went into contractions on Thursday night. Tightening as I thought, BHC to be exact.

But the tightening persist even in my sleep. Woke up @ 2plus am to track the contractions. Realize the interval too regular to be BHC

Did a call to the emer line of my Gynae

Was asked to head down straight to Mt A.

Strapped on the CTG and loa and behold, contractions...

Put on medication every 20min to try stop contraction. At the same time, hormone jabs to help stabilize the pregnancy.

Didn't help.

Next, put on drip.

It did help, but the side effect is bad. 

Heart papalation, breathlessness.

Dr Chen came to see me and mentioned seems to have stabilized. But as I'm on drip, and the cost in Mt A will come up to more than 1k a day.

Thus he suggested to go KKH, as my condition required minimum 2 weeks to 1 month stay.

In lieu of the cost and the seemingly stability, we decided to do so.

But looking bad, it seems to be a bad choice. :(

Once off drip, can feel contraction starts to come back.

Worse if over at KKH, they have protocol to follow, thus even though Dr Chen had arranged his ex-collg to followup, they need to let their on-duty MO at the delivery suite to take a look at me first.

She did a vaginal examination. Bad choice 2. :(

The result shown im 3cm dilated and the membrane is visible.

Also this is when the contraction turn into pain..

Gradually...

Was sent to the labor ward and again, no med no drip despite me asking for it.

I was getting really panicky. Which doesn't help in the situation, since the more one stress, the worse contraction can be.

But all I think is to stop contraction so as to keep little EJ inside me longer.

Finally they gave me medication to take every 15min at 7pm.

Only upon the 4th pill, the pain gradually toned down.

For only 45minutes

Yes, I'm so aware of the time coz each time the contraction came, the pain is horrible.

From 3 on a scan of 1-10, evolve to 5.

By 9plus 10pm, the pain evolve to level 8/9.

And the contraction came every 2minutes.

And the pain was horrible. Extremely horrible

I could grip the side bar until I'm shivering and knuckle goes white, even with the laughing gas is of no use, though it does help to serve as a distraction.

Poor Eben saw me in such pain yet there's nothing he can do to ease my pain and he cried. It broke my heart literally...

By 12plus am, the head doc of the labor ward came and say no point getting me on drip as the contraction pains is too much. They decided give me pain relief and see if can help tone down the pain and hold baby inside longer.

It helps for a while before the huge wave came..

This time, without mercy.

By 2plus am, the pain level is almost 10.

I was showing... 

Soon after, my water bag burst

I knew, no chance for me to keep little  EJ in me any longer. :(

The urge to push came and after two push, little Sarah was born.

Eben and I hugged each other and cry uncontrollably.

As we knew, there is no way baby Sarah can survive.

She was born alive, with heartbeat and she moved too.

But not fully formed thus eyes not able to open.

Skin also not fully developed thus still waxy as her protection layer.

We hold her, talk to her, kiss her.

She had Eben eyebrow and sharp chin.

She inherited my nose, so obvious.

She was so tiny... Our heart broke.

Can't hold back our eyes.

Slowly, her life seeped out of her little body.

Said one last goodbye before the nurse bring her to the neonatal doc to check and then to the mortuary.

Yes, we are claiming her body back for cremation, and we planned to scatter her ashes into the sea.

Baby Sarah, though our life together is only that 30-45minutes or so, you will be the only Sarah that we have.

This is a name that your daddy and mummy had always wanted to give to our daughter, even before we had you.

Once we know your gender, your name is fixed.

Till then, we will meet again, in heaven.

For now, we know you are with Lord Jesus, watching over us.

Wait for us.. We will reunite one day.

Daddy and mummy love you.. A lot.. 

Miss you a lot too...

Mummy is sad I only managed to hold you in me for only 22+3 week.

Sorry baby.

Sarah Ng, born on 6 dec 2014, 3.15am

Went to be with the Lord at 3.45am