Nights are never easy

Nighttime. 

It's never going be easy to fall asleep like before.

Questions just keep flashing by such as: 

"Did I do/eat anything wrong that result in  ...?"

Though I clearly know and aware it is pointless to ask "what if's" and "if only's"

Meaningless even.

Simply missing feeling them inside me, feeling their movements.

They specially love to nudge me when I'm going to dreamland...

I won't get to feel such again.

I told myself, I'm not going cry everyday.

It's tiring and its emotional draining too

So yes, I will not cry tonight.

My children, mummy loves and misses you all.

But mummy is not going to shed tears tonight, okay?

Mummy is trying not to..

Mummy will just try to meditate on Psalms 91:1

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty."